It have been 2 weeks I’m here in Vlissingen. School have been quite tough on me lately, maybe its due to its only the beginning of the project work. All the project guidelines seems to be difficult to understand. Now I appreciate my NYP projects. I just hope and pray that I’m able to cope my schoolwork. There’s so much high expectations that NYP is putting and also my loved ones. Not having my dad to share my experience with, all I can do to thank him for being there for me and also to appreciate him for being such a good dad for me is to make my family proud in terms of my future. I do have dreams,huge dreams & I have many mentors that I look up to. I shall just discipline myself to study really well and be who I wanna be.

Love and relationship have been quite a tough one for me. Being away from babylove have been a HUGE challenge for me. There are just so many things that I want to share with him. I needed his hug badly to make me feel that life will always be hard on me and he believes that I can persevere through. I just need that encouragement hug from him. There are major things that we need to agree on especially when we are far from each other, about me being a better person and to remove the NEGATIVITY that have been living in my blood for years. I really need to & I have given a thought about it. I pray that I’m able to. I know our love and relationship is unique. I believe that. He is such a special guy for me. He helped me to be a better person, he never failed to even though he is so close to giving up on me. All my friends thought I was unhappy with my relationship due to his presence in my life. They are just FUCKING wrong. They don’t know the real me yet, they don’t know that negativity and low self esteem have been the problem with me. I fake my happiness so that people know that I’m always happy. But NOW, things am gonna change for me. I always pray that I’m able to.

I have been having this weird feeling like there’s someone out there who is trying to destroy my image and the strong relationship that me and babylove have. But I don’t really know who yet. My instincts tend to be always true. I shall just ignore that person. If he/she is trying to destroy me, thank you so much. you actually made my life easier to increase my self esteem. I will try to lead a private life now cos I don’t really like having stalkers/bad mouthed people around me. Only my true loved ones are able to know about my life.

I will try my best to lead a happier life with this new changing self attitude in mind.  I shall be a happy girl who gets to achieve all her dreams she have always been proud of. I shall prove everyone out there wrong. All they do is trying to bring me down, & that won’t happen. I had enough of all those bitches and dicks around me.

I’ll prove you wrong.

Chaos!